The Graphic Nature of Death

1/26/26

I'm struggling. I've watched multiple videos, multiple angles of Alex Pretti's murder. I have seen Alex Pretti die over and over in front of me more times than I care to admit. Everytime, as his body lifts up from the power of the bullets hitting him to just before his body goes limp, I feel my internal organs flinch. As if they are all curling up into a fetal position for protection. It's the same visceral gut punch I felt when I heard George Floyd cry out for his Mama with his dying breath as a police officer continued to kneel on his neck for nine minutes and twenty nine seconds. The physical feeling of indescribable sadness and rage I felt when I heard Jonathon Ross sneer, "Fucking Bitch," after he shot Renee Good multiple times and walked away without a care in the world to what happened to her or anyone that could be in front of her now speeding uncontrollable car. Zero regard for her life, any others.

We can compare these people all you want: gender, color, occupation, criminal history, what they were or weren't doing that day, but none of that matters. What matters is that all of them were murdered senselessly, in broad daylight, in front of multiple witnesses, caught on video. We have been asked to disregard what we see in all of these videos. We have been provided untoward personal histories and told to use these histories to pre-judge the victims worthy of death. We've been given false narratives about the victims actions prior to their murders and have been expected to believe them on blind faith alone despite what witness testimony and video proof shows us. We have been shown false criminal records. Our law enforcement has been denied access to crime scenes and evidence; instead we are to believe that the murderers will police themselves honestly. This is especially evident with murders committed by ICE agents, including murders that take place within the "detention centers." These are under-reported, so we don't even know how many have happened and what type, if any, investigation has happened.

Something about, Alex Pretti's murder is harder for me though. I am struggling to find my rage. My rage is what fuels my writing. His murder just took the wind out of my sails. I'm having a hard time finding my voice. I haven't given up. I just want to throw my hands up and grumble quite loudly, "What the FUCK?!!"

Watching the murder of Renee Good mostly made me rage, but it did give me a bit of a scare. I looked at what happened to her and said that could be me. She was doing what I would be doing if my town looked anything like hers did. I would be out in my car. If there is one thing I like to do, it's drive slower when people tailgate me. If those tailgaters were ICE agents? Hell to the fuck yeah!! I could feel the fear in her as she had ICE agents coming towards her car screaming, "Get out of the car!!" and "Get out of here!!" I could feel the panic in the way she tried to drive away. Then when I heard those words after the shots rang out and the car sped away as a shot Good hit the gas, "Fucking bitch." I heard them resonate in my head, but not in Ross's voice, in the voice of many of the men in my life, the abusers, the attackers, the rapists, "Fucking bitch." My rage boiled over to a point that I didn't think I could contain.

The irony(?) is not lost on me that this is what black people feel on a regular basis about going out and law enforcement. I beg to differ. I don't think that my flash of that could have been me could come close to how a lifetime of systemic oppression could feel. I also don't think I could ever understand how that could feel. I feel like we need to honor our differences, but focus more on our commonalities because are what are going to unite us. We can be focusing on the differences. That is why we are our own worst enemy; we continue to let them divide us.

Why, then, did Alex Pretti's murder take my wind away? My rage is there, but has been overshadowed by this undeniable sadness. What makes his death, this video, these videos hit me so differently? He is no less innocent than Renee Good, or George Floyd. He is no less deserving of the punishment he got. All three deaths were caught on video from multiple angles. All murders were brutal, played out in detail, shown in slow motion play by play, and discussed in detail by armchair coroners, forensic scientists, and detectives.

What we see in Alex Pretti's murder is the brutality and power of the guns and bullets. The moment of death of captured visually in a way that is not in the other videos. In George Floyd's murder, it was his cries for his Mama. You could see Chauvin on top of him, but it was hearing George Floyd crying for his Mama that brought home the brutality of the scene. In Renee Good's case, we can see the ICE agent shoot into her car. We imagine what is going on in the car. The moment the car speeds off; the brevity of her life is evident as her brain randomly fires off a signal to her leg to slam the gas pedal down. The impacts keep coming, "Fucking bitch," a physician kept from tending to her as she bleeds to death.

In Alex Pretti's death video(s), they start with Pretti directing traffic and filming with his camera. We see ICE agents throw a woman to the ground, Pretti goes to help the woman and her acquaintance. This gets Pretti pepper sprayed. As he continues to help the women, the agents continue to get aggressive with them and pepper spray them. Pretti attempts to use his body as a shield to protect the women. The agents grab Pretti and throw him to the ground. Seven agents swarm Pretti and proceed to beat him. Pretti stays in a fetal position on his knees to protect his head from the blows. He stays in a position that shows himself as not a threat. One of the ICE agents see that he his armed, which he is legally permitted allowed to carry. He is immediately disarmed. Then he is shot multiple times, at least three times in the back. This is where I think the video gets me. We not only hear the shots, but we see the impact of them on Alex Pretti's body. As they shoot him, his body is propelled up in the air and you can see him actively reacting to the shots. As they continue to shoot him, Alex Pretti goes limp while still in the air, being held up by bullets, like in a cartoon. Then he falls to the ground. The ICE agents just stand there staring at Pretti, lifeless on the ground, their guns still drawn, adrenaline pumping through their veins, panting in, what? excitement? Yes, that question is answered when you see one of the ICE agents clapping in celebration. It is excitement, for at least one, some of them.

The moments that the bullets hold Pretti's body in the air show us the sheer power and brutality of guns and bullets. But that moment that Alex Pretti's body goes limp is why this video is so different for me. It's no more real, no more unjustified murder, no more wrong. It's just that we see that moment, the moment that Alex Pretti moves on in the video. He may not have passed at that point, but something has changed, something is gone. Something has left his body. I can see it and it's unnerving.

The other thing I've noticed is something is changing in my partner. He's been an ostrich for the last year and a half. He struggled with how upset I get over politics. He thinks it's driving me crazy. He's even suggested I start talking to a therapist. I told him I think he should see a therapist because he DOESN'T get upset about this stuff. He's been telling me for 18 months not to worry because we have "checks and balances" and "He can't do that, we have things in place to make sure that can't happen." Suddenly I was right about this actually affecting not only me but other members of our family. Yeah, just call me a prophet of doom. But Willy watched the video and he's watched it a couple of times. He's having a hard time keeping his ostrich posture. He knows ICE is coming here. He knows I won't be silent. He knows that I will go towards the trouble. He also knows that if he ever saw a masked man manhandle a woman, he would get involved. He would protect her, and god forbid any man ever throw me to the ground in front of him he would lose his shit. I think Willy is finally starting to realize that whether he wants to get involved in the revolution or not, the Revolution will be coming to him and he is going to have no choice.

So, all of you ostriches out there, remember this. They are coming. They are not stopping at Minnesota. They misjudged Minnesota; mistook their midwest hospitality for naivety. Now they are finding out that you have to be hard as fuck and live like a community if you are to survive in Minnesota in the winter. If you haven't yet, start watching Minnesota. They are strong, community oriented, smart, and loving. We have to learn from them and continue to support them and stay strong for them. Do not be afraid. Do not let them silence you.

Love yourselves, love your neighbors, learn how to protect yourself.

We are THE UNITED STATES!!